


abuse those i love, while i ostracize the ones who love me

by adoreu



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Break Up, Flashbacks, Getting Back Together, M/M, Post-Break Up, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:54:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27284494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adoreu/pseuds/adoreu
Summary: “I was happy with you, Cheol. I don’t know why we just.. gave up.”“Sometimes I forget why, too.” Seungcheol says, cradling his face in his hands.“Why did we break up?” Jeonghan questions.“What do you think? We fell in love with the right person, just at the wrong time.”where seungcheol and jeonghan find themselves in the exact place they confessed their love for each other five years later, brokenhearted, and broken up.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups & Yoon Jeonghan, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	abuse those i love, while i ostracize the ones who love me

**November 10th, 2013**

Two boys sat in the corner of the green-painted room, with their fellow members fooling around to make each other laugh to fufill their own dumb entertainment. Time to time the pair would giggle from a witty pun from the other boys, but they were immersed in their own world, just passing time with themselves. This type of feeling was familiar to them — the feeling of each other’s presence, and they were never tired of it.

They had just begun practicing as a group of thirteen, getting the hang of everything on their road to becoming idols. Or more likely, hoping to become idols. Everyone was still stiff and awkward (both in socializing and dancing), but as the evaluations went by everyone had shifted into a big group of friends and danced as one singular group. Seungcheol, the one who trained the longest out of all of them, was satisfied to see everyone at their own enjoyment. He wasn’t alone anymore, he now had twelve other people on his journey. He sat leisurely on the wall, then turning to his right, with a boy next to him. Jeonghan, who hasn’t trained for as long, but one of the oldest members along with Seungcheol sat next to him. 

Seungcheol noticed Jeonghan zoning out, proceeding to tap his shoulder. “Jeonghan?” The teen blinked, signaling he heard him. “You okay? You seem out of it today.”

The trainee wasn’t no dance expert like Soonyoung, or someone who can belt like Seokmin, but he has talent and trained hard. He was usually up and practicing, but today something was off. He was quiet during rehearsals for monthly evaluations, and barely interacted with the cameras placed in the practice rooms. 

“Ah, it’s nothing.” Jeonghan answered, a lopsided smile displayed upon his petite face. “I'm just.. thinking.”

Seungcheol grimances. “Thinking about what?”

Jeonghan awkwardly adjusts himself, “It’s nothing you would care about.”

Seungcheol’s brows knit in angrily, “I care, I care about everyone in this room. Even you. Why, is that hard to believe?”

“No, of course not.” Jeonghan softly chuckled, his head resting upon his hand. He swept his long bangs aside, restraining a deep sigh. His smile faltered, then slanted into a slight frown. Seungcheol caught his heavy sigh, then glancing at his sulking eyes. He feels an odd pit of guilt invade his stomach, like he’s partially accountable for Jeonghan’s abrupt despair. 

Seungcheol sighed, not wanting to evade his personal life. “Well, just so you know, you can tell me whatever is bothering you. I’m always here.” Jeonghan doesn’t respond verbally, so he smiles. “Did you eat?” asks Seungcheol, which Jeonghan shakes his head to. “Wanna get dinner after practice?” 

Jeonghan’s eyes went round, turning to Seungcheol at the pleasant surprise. “Really?” Seungcheol nodded, a firm grin confirming it. “Sure, yeah. That’d be nice.”

Seungcheol grinned. “Oh yeah, it’s gonna rain today. Bring your umbrella.”

After practice, the pair went out to eat. The food was really good, according to Seungcheol accidently spilling kimchi and Jeonghan’s face slathered in sauce. They both had a good time, just not thinking about practice and their ambition to become idols. Seungcheol agreed to pay, then waved at the waiter to take their money. The waiter came over, taking the check. 

Before walking away, the waiter whispered to him, “You’re a very cute couple, sir.” 

Seungcheol almost chokes, throwing an embarrassed smile, holding his laugh as he tried to correct him before he walked away. Even on an actual date that’s never happened. “Um sir, actually, we..”

Jeonghan glanced away from his phone, “What happened? Did he take our order wrong?” He asked. 

“He actually..” Seungcheol managed to awkwardly grin, then replied, “He was asking about our check.” 

Jeonghan didn’t think twice before nodding again, looking back at his phone. As Seungcheol slumped in his seat, he noticed the clouds darken into a monotone sky. The pair walked out, being greeted with the scenery.

“It looks like it’s gonna rain soon.” says Jeonghan, staring into the sky blanketed in grey and streaky clouds.

“Yeah, it does.” Seungcheol urged Jeonghan to follow him, stepping out to the sidewalks. The dorm was quite far, so they would need to walk a couple of blocks. With each corner they walked, the two realized this was the first time they’ve been completely alone together. With only a few pedestrians passing by and cars whizzing on the roads, they were together. 

The pair stopped at a traffic light, waiting to cross. The lights of the convenience stores shined on Jeonghan, his black bangs framing his face. He was just waiting for the crosswalk to turn on, not even doing anything, but Seungcheol couldn’t help but stare. Despite all the vibrant signs and blinding headlights of cars, Jeonghan was the brightest light Seungcheol laid his eyes on. Jeonghan was another young kid who had ambitions of performing for many, not exactly knowing their skills but pursuing anyways, because that was his dream. It was like that for all eleven other trainees in the practice room. But for some reason, Seungcheol stuck around with Jeonghan, like he was some magnet and Seungcheol couldn’t pull away. Jeonghan was a really nice, admirable person. He was mischievous yet clever, and clingy but it came from a loving heart. It also might be because Jeonghan is closest to Seungcheol’s age, so they automatically had a bond. They also were the two pillars for the eleven other trainees in the room, because everyone needed advice from their elders at least once. Seungcheol found it hard at first, he was already given the leader role from the start because of his age, except he had no one else to confide to. That was until Jeonghan came along. He was relatively still new to Pledis, but got the hang of it pretty quick. Eventually when Seungcheol wasn’t around, the younger trainees would stick to Jeonghan, like glue, even if it wasn’t for trainee advice. They just needed a hyung to lean on. 

There was this day, a day that Seungcheol won’t forget, where Jeonghan was crying in the corner of the practice room because of stress. He ranted about how he wanted to be there for everybody, but he also needed to work on his own skills. It was too overwhelming. It was quiet in that corner as Jeonghan weeped into Seungcheol’s shirt. That was the day Seungcheol’s admiration soared, and it never went down. They proceeded to bond over their similar experiences, realizing they had a lot in common. Since then, they’ve become good friends. At least, that’s the title Seungcheol calls their relationship for now. 

Seungcheol looked downward at his feet, until he built the courage to look at the younger. He was too in the moment to realize the incoming car whizzing by, “Jeonghan, I like you.”

Jeonghan’s face was blown by the car passing by, the car muffling his question. He seemed unfazed, until he noticed Seungcheol staring at him. Jeonghan stared back for a second. “I’m sorry?”

Seungcheol feels his heart sting, realizing he didn’t hear him. “I said,” he stops himself, unsure if he should continue. “The food, did you like the food?”

“Ah, I loved it. Thanks by the way, I never got to formally thank you.” Jeonghan grins, like he was relieved. There was this tension lingering in the air, thicker than the rain clouds above from each sentence they said. “I guess it just feels nice to eat after practice, it’s tiring.”

Seungcheol glanced at him, “Being a trainee is hard, trust me. But sometimes once you eat a good meal you forget about it for a while.”

“Of course it’s been hard for you, you’re the longest trainee. Don’t you think it’s kind of.. unnerving?”

“Being a trainee?”

“Yeah, like don’t you think you won’t debut? Even after all these years of training?” Jeonghan asks reluctantly, hesitation quivering in his voice. That conversation was uncharted territory. Seungcheol was close to debuting, but since he and Jeonghan were standing together, that plan didn’t favor him. It was like talking about an unwanted memory, but Seungcheol didn’t seem offended or even affected by the question, so Jeonghan continued. “It’s kind of terrifying really, at least for me.” 

Seungcheol chews his lip. Jeonghan’s eyes were dark, and it wasn’t from the night sky, it had a void of hopelessness. Seungcheol saw himself in him, the uncertainty of his future as a trainee. He couldn’t answer pessimistically, as it might damage Jeonghan’s hopes. “Well yeah it’s scary, but it’s not all the time. Every trainee experiences it. It’s tolerable when you have the right mindset, and the right people around you. For example, look at us.” 

Jeonghan thought back from a few hours ago, when the pair were both witnessing their members slacking off practice just to laugh from time to time. Getting to know each other by doing the most dumb jokes or pranks, or ways to spice up learning a new dance. Perhaps having the right friends helped, but he wasn’t sure if his mindset was going to piece things together. The industry was harsh, and he’s afraid he’s not prepared for it. He looked at the world of K-POP with such aspirations for becoming famous and being rich, but he knows there’s a whole other unfiltered world behind it. But like Seungcheol said, when you’re surrounded with the right people, it’ll pay off.

“Yeah, but I still can’t shake this feeling off.” Jeonghan sighed.

“What feeling?” 

“I just can’t shake off the fact that.. what if I’m not good enough, and even if I try my hardest I won’t be as good.” 

Seungcheol felt his heart ache. It physically hurts whenever his members would hate on themselves, especially when it’s harsh. But with Jeonghan, it hurt more. It was only a few months into his trainee and he was already doubting himself. Seungcheol knows Jeonghan has what it takes, and he knew he was working hard, Seungcheol could see it. He sees it everytime he walks in the practice room, the determination written on his face. His persistence stayed intact like the beads of sweat showing how many hours he’s put. “Come on, you know that’s not true. Jeonghan, you’re so much better than you think you are.”

“Are you sure?”

Seungcheol doesn’t have a reason to disagree. “I’m sure.”

“Because.. I don’t think I am.”

“And why’s that?”

“I want to be an idol. I want to perform. But.. whenever I just look at the others guys.. I just don’t feel good enough.”

The words pierced through Seungcheol, like a stab at his heart. It hurt when the other members pointed out their imperfections, but for Jeonghan, it hurt on a deeper level. At each self deprecating remark, it felt like a dagger stabbing deeper into an already exposed wound. “Jeonghan, you have time to improve — “

“I never feel good enough, and my skills aren’t improving, and I’m so afraid of wasting my youth chasing a dream I couldn’t even — ”

“Jeonghan, hey. Hey!”

“What?”

As Jeonghan furiously turned to Seungcheol, he felt a press of warmth on his lips. It was the same heat and softness as those heating pads, but the intimacy of a human being. Jeonghan closed his eyes, yet there was only one person that would've kissed him at this very moment. It wasn’t a sincere kiss, it was quick and rather messy. 

But it was still a kiss, a kiss from Seungcheol. 

Jeonghan felt the press of Seungcheol’s lips break away. He wasn’t able to form words, as he was in total shock from the man who just shut him up but pressing his lips onto his.

He blinked, trying to comprehend what just happened, “Did that just.. did you just—”

“Listen.” said Seungcheol, and Jeonghan did. The two gazed at each other, as both felt raindrops hit their heads. 

Jeonghan blinked, hails of rain clogging his sight from Seungcheol. “I’m listening.” 

“That was the only way to make you shut up. Sorry.” The rain began to pour even harder, just as Seungcheol’s mouth curved into a smirk. “Well, are you gonna open your umbrella?”

**January 24, 2020**

Jeonghan feels a tug off his bucket hat, being woken up from his sleep. Jet lag especially during the U.S tour hit the hardest, so nobody was too harsh about waking each other up. Thankfully, their last concert was yesterday and were heading back to Korea early in the morning. The van came to a full stop, as the doors opened and the members started filing out. Joshua sits beside him, nudging the elder awake, “Hey, we’re getting off now.”

He rubs his eyes and gathers up his things, stepping out last. A few fansites surrounded the area, their cameras bulging out of the crowd, but the guards drove them away as they strolled down the boarding area. Everyone’s tiredness was visible on their faces, even if half of their face was covered in a mask or a bucket hat. They were all waiting to go home. Except Jeonghan. 

“Hey,” Joshua shows up again, rubbing Jeonghan’s arms in a smooth motion. He pulls his mask to his chin, “Don’t fall asleep on me now, you can sleep in the airplane once we get on.” 

“I’m not falling asleep,” Jeonghan replies groggily, which contradicts his point. Joshua can’t even laugh properly, so he smirks. “I just can’t wait to get out of here.”

“Me too.” Joshua replies duly.

Jeonghan chuckles humorlessly, “Isn’t this your home?”

“Yeah, it is. But, when we were touring, it didn’t feel complete,” Jeonghan stiffens at Joshua’s words, knowing what would come next, “I would’ve been better if it was all thirteen of us.”

Mingyu turns the keys to the apartment complex, and as he does a wave of relief hits the twelve of them. The smell of their house and the familiar sights of their dorms welcomed them back. Mingyu already toppled on top of a couch, Soonyoung was spewing out a rant about how much he missed Korea, meanwhile the rest just pretended they were listening. 

Jeonghan sees Mingyu roll his body across the couch, sighing, “I missed this couch.”

“Come on, you’re hugging the couch and not me?”

“Why would I hug,” Mingyu suddenly stops, looking over his shoulder, glee glowing on his face, “Hyung!”

The twelve members turn around, meeting eyes with their thirteenth member hanging around the door. Seungcheol’s face softens, as his members bombard him with hugs. Jeonghan is the last one to join in, barely tapping the outer members shoulders who were in the group hug. As the members disperse, Jeonghan finds himself drawn to the elder from a distance. A smile was plastered on his face, but his face was tethered from fatigue. The warmth in his face returned when his members surrounded him, he was deprived of their presence, and it showed. Seungcheol has been on hiatus for a while, but he was still hanging around the dorm with the other members. But it was inevitable when the rest had to tour, it wasn’t an option for him to tag along. Everyone was worried how’d their leader be without his twelve counterparts, but he seemed to be in one piece. 

“Did everything go okay?” asks Seungcheol. Jeonghan smirks, what a leader move, asking how everyone is even though everyone was more concerned with his health.

“Of course everything went okay, even better.” Soonyoung assures, earning a scatter of low laughs. 

Seungcheol can only chuckle, reading everyone’s exhaustion. Touring had that effect. “Jeez, all of you are like zombies, go rest.”

“There’s no such thing as rest when you’re an idol.” remarks Jihoon, sparking a few pity laughs. Everyone knew once this rest was over, they’d go back to the practice room. Sadly, that was the reality. The group got a week-long break until they had to start practicing and finalizing the choreography for their new Japanese comeback, “Fallin Flower”. It was a delicate dance, less about maintaining stamina from an exhausting choreography like “HIT”, and more about executing the fluidity of the movements correctly with the message they wanted to convey. In other words, they were spending a lot of time in the practice room. 

“Alright everyone, take five!” Soonyoung calls, wiping his hair so his hat can fall flat on his head. The members respond with tired nods, collapsing on the floor or leaning on nearby furniture. Seungcheol rests on a nearby wall, seeing his other members scattered, except for one person. Jeonghan was in the far corner alone, working on his part that he danced with Minghao in the second verse. Seungcheol watched from afar. The moves were sharp and fast, yet at the same time Jeonghan moved with such grace it was hard to look away. Seungcheol thought he was good, executed the moves perfectly, but as Jeonghan stood in front of the mirror repeating the same moves for a good minute, he could see the dissatisfaction eating at him. He stops for a moment, stumbling on his feet as his knees crash to the ground. He can see Minghao, his partner he was supposed to be mirroring in the dance, go up to him. He can tell he’s asking him to rest, but Jeonghan shakes his head, refusing the water Minghao offered. 

“Hyung, you’ve been practicing this part for hours now, it’s good. You should rest.” is what Seungcheol can make out from Minghao. 

Jeonghan shakes his head a second time, pushing away the water again, “No, I’m still off beat. I need to fix it before the dance instructor comes in and evaluates us.”

“Hyung, it’s good. You’re good. Really.” Minghao says, a rise of annoyance in his voice. An array of eyes glance at Minghao and Jeonghan, sensing anger. He rarely gets mad, let alone showing it out in the open. It wasn’t his typical anger, it wasn’t like Jeonghan was getting the dance wrong. He was dancing too much, and Minghao could see the visible exhaustion on his face. Jeonghan eyes the water bottle once more, discarding it as he hangs his head to his chest, letting out deep breaths. 

Minghao senses everyone’s eyes, so he couches down to Jeonghan’s level. He pats his back, hushing his voice, “Hyung, are you okay?”

Seungcheol almost wants to intervene, but his feet are glued to the floor. Jeonghan pushes his hair back, nodding, standing up to his feet, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Their break eventually ends, and the group goes back to perfecting the dance. They restarted the dance a couple of times, only going through two run-throughs of the full dance until the dance instructor entered. Seungcheol instructed the greeting, and Soonyoung started off by telling the instructor what they managed to choreograph. 

The instructor nods, proceeding to turn on music. “Alright, the bridge seems good. Let’s do a whole run through then.”

The music started, and everything was going well. Everyone seemed to be in sync with each other and no mistakes were made. Then it was Jeonghan and Minghao’s part. Seungcheol was off to the back, listening to the beats as he waited for the next moves. 

Suddenly, he hears a squeak from someone’s shoes, and a collision of two bodies beside him. He glances in front of him, seeing Jeonghan disorientated and Minghao barely on his feet. Some of the members, especially Soonyoung, notices this, but they keep going. They finished until Wonwoo’s rap, and already the air in the room was tense. You could hear a pin drop if it wasn’t for everyone’s loud breathing. 

“Yah, is the second verse not cleaned up yet?” The instructor yells.

Soonyoung glances towards Minghao and Jeonghan, stepping up for the rest of the team, “Well, yes we did clean it up but — ”

“Then how come these two keep bumping into each other?” The instructor cuts in, “It's really simple, I don’t know how you could not do it. Especially you Minghao,” Minghao looks up at the call of his name, eyes looming with shame. “You’re part of the performance team. You should at least know how to perform a duet for less than ten seconds.”

Minghao steps out from the line, going to bow in apology, however Jeonghan steps in. He bows instead, “I’m sorry, it’s not his fault. It’s mine.” The room falls even more silent, “I came in too early, so I bumped into him. Please don’t blame him.”

“You should only blame yourself.” The instructor retorts. Seungcheol closes his eyes for a moment. It wasn’t directed at him, but it stung. He should be used to it by now, now that he’s been dancing for nearly a decade. But this was a different type of hurt. “How could you work on his part for hours yet still mess it up? What? Nervousness? Nervousness isn’t gonna cut it when you perform in Tokyo Dome.”

“I acknowledge that. I apologize.”

“You should only apologize to yourself and your members. Take it from the top.”

Everyone goes back into their formations, their faces hung with fatigue. The beginning formation had Jeonghan in the center, as the rest of the members surrounded him. Seungcheol didn’t have to be in Jeonghan’s spot to see the worried expressions on the member’s faces. Right before the music started, he could see Minghao patting Jeonghan’s back mouthing the words “it’s not your fault”.

They do three more run-throughs, until the instructor cuts in and critiqued other parts of the choreography. The instructor was mostly talking to Soonyoung, so it left the other members some time to rest. As everyone went to their respective resting places, a loud bang erupts. 

Everyone’s eyes diverted towards the door, which was slung open by Jeonghan who was running out of the practice room. Everyone looks weary at the sudden commotion, but no one was reacting in a way to follow him. So it didn’t surprise anyone when the leader ran out the door too, following Jeonghan. 

Seungcheol runs outside the company building, seeing the grey clouds form above him. It was going to pour soon, only making him motivated to find Jeonghan even more. He couldn’t have gone far. He heads towards the nearest light down the street, belonging to a crosswalk light. He runs, feeling the pelts of rain drip on his head, slowly drenching him. He feels the soles of his feet soak into his socks, and the puddles of water he keeps stepping into splash on his pants. He stops sprinting, resting by a crosswalk. He puts his hands on his thighs as he catches his breath, as an epiphany dawns on him as he scans the area. 

It would’ve been nostalgic if he brought an umbrella.

He holds his palm to block his eyes from the rain, seeing a bus stop near the crosswalk. There sitting in the far corner was Jeonghan, sinking into the seat with his hair all messy and doused in rain. His eyes were a void, and his face showed no decipherable expression. Seungcheol goes to sit down at a reasonable distance, unsure if he even wants to talk. He hasn’t had a sit down talk with Jeonghan for months, their presence alone together felt foreign. Seungcheol wishes he can put all their past aside and focus on the now, since the present mattered the most.

“Why’d you follow me?” Jeonghan asks, his voice cutting into the sounds of rain pelting around them. 

“It was just an instinct. My feet started running before I even thought about it.” replies Seungcheol. He’s not ready to look at Jeonghan in the eyes yet, he can feel this barrier keeping them separate even if they were only a few feet apart.

“I should’ve known,” says Jeonghan, stifling a laugh, “I ran out hoping no one would follow, and what do you know, the person I wanted the least to see comes running.”

Seungcheol scowls, “Ouch.” It stung, especially coming from one of his members. That wouldn’t make him budge, though. Seungcheol knows he’s just trying to deflect his feelings so he wouldn’t notice. 

“Sorry,” apologizes Jeonghan, “I guess I just wanted to be alone.”

Seungcheol couldn’t let Jeonghan run off on his own, but he also couldn’t leave. He kind of feels guilty for intruding. The only words left to say were, “Sorry. But you know I’d come out here.” 

Jeonghan lightly shakes his head, “It’s my fault running out in the first place. I should’ve known you would run after me. You’re always there for other people, putting yourself before others. ” he pauses, “I couldn’t.”

Seungcheol’s face scrunches up into a puzzled look, “What?”

A tiny smile paints Jeonghan’s face, barely noticeable if Seungcheol wasn’t staring, “The tour. I don’t know how you do it. I tried being everyone’s pillar during the tour, to replace your presence but — “ he takes a sigh, “It’s so hard.”

Seungcheol looks at him oddly, not sure why he brought up touring. “You didn’t have to, you know.”

“I felt obligated to. I guess it took a mental toll on me, that’s why I’m so antsy all of a sudden. I gave all my energy to the other members, not leaving any for myself.” All of a sudden, Jeonghan chuckles, “And here I am, thinking since you were here, you’d make things worse. But you’re not. Maybe because I haven’t told anyone this before, that’s why,” a smile lines his face, “You probably aren’t listening are you?”

Seungcheol chuckles at the snarky comment, “You know, just because we broke up doesn’t mean I’m a total ass.”

Jeonghan doesn’t seem fazed by Seungcheol’s rebuttal, “Anybody who breaks my heart is an ass in my book.”

A grin crept up on Seungcheol’s face, “Sorry, but that means you’re an ass too.”

It was hard to cope, especially when there was no one else to confide with. They were the only two to know about their relationship, and once they broke up, they had to hurt alone. The managers would’ve scolded them and forced them to distance even after the break up, and the members were too focused on their comeback, Seungcheol didn’t want to overwhelm them with an emotional load. He wasn’t even sure if the members accepted them.

“This was the place you told me you liked me.” Jeonghan says, eyeing a crosswalk. 

Seungcheol can imagine it clearly, like it was yesterday. It was cold and the rain was pouring, yet he can still remember a fluttering feeling in his chest the second his lips touched Jeonghan’s. It was like the coldness stopped along with the world, and that the only important thing was in Seungcheol’s arms, Jeonghan, his world. They were just kids, so it probably felt like the best kiss in the entire world. It was a little sloppy, inexperienced, and everything no one wants for a first kiss. But Seungcheol only remembers the adrenaline he had and how he went to bed that night like he was the happiest person in the world. 

“Yeah, it — ” Seungcheol almost smiles at him, until a look of realization dawns on his face, “Wait, so you did hear me!” 

Jeonghan holds in a laugh, a grin peeking through, “I didn’t think you were serious,” he replies, already feeling Seungcheol’s annoyed glare at the back of his head. “I didn’t think.. anyone could like me like that. Until, y’know, you kissed me, right — ” he points towards the crosswalk, “ — there.”

Seungcheol can see the reel of memories circling in Jeonghan’s eyes, reminiscing a simpler time. “Did you know I liked you? Even before the kiss?”

Jeonghan shakes his head, “I didn’t know you liked me back. Back then I thought I liked you as a friend, a trainee to look up to and envy at. I was just in denial, until you kissed me. That’s when I realized. I guess I didn’t have enough experiences with guys to know it was love.”

“Love?”

Jeonghan sits up, looking at Seungcheol offendedly, “Of course it was love, was it not?”

Seungcheol sits, digesting the question. When he thought of love, he thought of his warm sensation engulfing his body. He didn’t have to think twice to know that the only person capable of doing that was right beside him. 

“I guess you’re right.. it’s just, it’s been so long since I’ve heard that come out of you.”

Jeonghan slowly sinks back into the seat, “I haven’t really felt loved in a while, that's why.” He grows silent, wallowing in the corner of the bus stop. His arms clasped together, as his eyes knit in, “I haven’t felt anything in a while, actually.”

Break ups were usually like that. There’s just too much emotion to handle so your only option is to become an empty shell to cope. Maybe Jeonghan didn’t mean to do that, he just had to since he had to move on and act like nothing happened. 

Weirdly enough, Seungcheol related. “Me too.”

Being left in an apartment meant for thirteen people alone can take a toll on a person. It was identical if he just woke up and he was the last person on Earth. His friends were on the other side of the world, and here he was, in Korea alone. No other emotions to accompany him except sadness. He’s felt sad for a while, since he couldn’t perform for fans and felt bad for concerning everyone. Maybe because it’s been months so the sadness has grown normal, making him numb and empty. 

“You know, since we were leaving for the U.S without you, I thought I could finally have a break. Not like an actual break. A break from you. I couldn’t stand to look at you, because I was reminded of how we’re not together. I know now it’s not your fault, but at the time, it hurt. You’re madly in love with someone, and now we have to pretend that never happened. And yeah, no one else knows, but, I could never pretend to myself. But I had to. Even before touring there was this.. growing void inside of me. This empty pit in my stomach I couldn’t understand. I thought maybe this tour would fill that missing piece, or at least distract me from it. But when we landed, nothing changed. That void was still there, just.. numbing me.”

“I’m sorry.” is all Seungcheol can say. Every time one of the members experiences problems he always feels burdened he couldn’t help sooner. 

Jeonghan grimances, shaking his head, “Don’t be,” he replies. He goes silent for a few seconds, “Actually, I should thank you.” 

“Why?”

“Ever since we came back to the dorm, that void was slowly filling in. I just thought it was because I was back in Korea and the group was complete again.. I thought I would feel whole. I.. I think I was wrong.” 

“Why’s that?”

“Because, right now, I feel me again. I feel complete like I was back before touring, back before Fear promotions. It just stops because I’m with you.”

Seungcheol didn’t notice it at first, but now that Jeonghan mentioned it, he felt that way too. He felt like himself again once the members returned, but when he was with Jeonghan, it was different. It was the same warm feeling he had when they were still together. The familiar warm feeling.

“I was happy too.” Seungcheol replies, sensing a wave of memories collide into him. Good ones.

**November 11, 2017**

“Aish, Seungcheol, you’re messing up my mic.”

A flick of lights instantly illuminated the room, “Well, it’s kind of hard when you’re making out in the dark.” Seungcheol remarked, separating his lips from Jeonghan. He scoffed, avoiding his embarrassed gaze with Seungcheol. Suddenly the wall shook, as Jeonghan glanced to see a hand at his left, pinning him towards the wall. He then felt his hands grip onto his chin, turning right at Seungcheol. The elder grinned, then proceeded to purse his lips and closed the space between them. They passionately kissed, as they usually do, savoring the way their mouths complimented each other. Jeonghan found himself totally immersed, eyes closed with their tongues interlocked with nothing but affection. Until Seungcheol pulled away. Jeonghan looked at him confused, as he just plainly smirked. “God, you look so good in this outfit.” 

Jeonghan couldn’t help but giggle, “You’re wearing the same thing, Cheol.” he returns a kiss back, slipping in his tongue. Jeonghan rests his hand on Seungcheol’s collarbone, accidentally slipping his fingers into his chest. It lasts a few seconds, until Seungcheol pulls away, caressing his jawline. His hand still lingers on Seungcheol’s exposed collarbones. 

This comeback the group decided to go with was matching outfits, this music show they decided to go with navy blue suits. It was a bit of a struggle to make out with, but they both looked irresistible. “Doesn’t matter, it looks better on you.” 

Jeonghan pushes his hair away, but not enough to mess up his baby pink hair. “You say that, but if it wasn’t for your mic,” he strokes the navy fabric, fingers intertwining between the buttons of his suit. Seungcheol has had different outfits for each comeback for “CLAP”, but this one in particular stood out. The stylists would usually add a t-shirt or a turtleneck. But lucky for Jeonghan, the stylist added no undergarments for Seungcheol, revealing his chest. “I would be unbuttoning this suit right now.” he takes a sigh, “Too bad we’re going on stage. Anyways, what’s with these compliments? Are you soaking this up before you break up with me?”

The elder scoffs, “It’s a comeback gift. Come on, I saw you in the waiting room. You looked nervous, I needed to cheer you up.”

“And well you did.” said Jeonghan, turning off the lights and creaking open the door they locked. He quickly tapped a kiss on Seungcheol’s cheek and squeezed his ass, “We’ll continue this later.”

Ever since that rainy day, the two knew there was something between them. You don’t just kiss in the middle of the rain and forget it happened. As the months passed after their debut, they found happiness with each other. However, no one else knows. Their flings have been secretive, even from the members. There have been close calls, but most of the time they pass it off as skinship and fan service. 

The pair tidied themselves up, making sure no hickeys were too obvious with some overly white foundation. They exited out of the room separately, Seungcheol going last. As Seungcheol walked into the hallway of the music show, a familiar voice caught up to him near the makeup room.

“I think they might be — “ a voice shouted as he walked into the makeup room, making eye contact with the couple. That boisterous voice could only belong to Kwon Soonyoung. They both try to make it less obvious, setting their distance from each other. Soonyoung struts up to them, covered in stage makeup and his fiery hair reflecting his anger, “Oh my god, there you are! Hyung, where the hell were you? The stage is about to start any minute now, what were you doing, making out or something?”

In the midst of the chaos, the couple send a guilty glance. Seungcheol clears his throat, pulling on a fake smile, “Sorry, Soonyoung we had to fix a few things.”

Soonyoung rolled his eyes, urging them to follow, “Come on, we’re on a few.” He says, stomping out the door. His anger was visible, like he was leaving fire tracks wherever he walked. Seungcheol feels a tinge of guilt, realizing how serious this was. He didn’t mean to stress them out, he just lost track of time. But a leader should never lose track of time. Soonyoung had to escort the rest of the members out without his help while acting like nothing was wrong. 

“Jeonghan, go ahead.” Seungcheol whispered in his ear.

“You aren’t coming?” he questioned.

“Just go, I need to sort something out.” Seungcheol commanded. 

Jeonghan sighed, hastily walking to the stage. He glanced by Soonyoung, who didn’t even exchange looks with him. Seungcheol can’t even be mad at Soonyoung’s annoyance. Of course he’d be moody, it’s a music show and two members were late for mic check. Seungcheol walked out a few seconds later, as he felt a hand halt at his chest. 

“Not so fast.” said Soonyoung, who was secretly waiting by the doorframe. 

Seungcheol inwardly sighed, “Fine.” he didn’t even have to question why he stopped him, like he’s already given into the inevitable. 

“What’s happening, hyung? It’s been happening so much lately, especially when preparing for promotions.” asked Soonyoung, crossing his arms. 

Seungcheol couldn’t look at him in the eyes, tapping his feet as his eyes were glued to the ground. “It’s.. nothing, Soonyoung. It’s not a big deal — “

“No, no. It is.”

“Soonyoung, not right now. Seriously, we have to get on stage. I’m sorry for holding back, but we have a pre-recording to do.” 

Seungcheol could feel Soonyoung’s stubbornness protruding from his glare. Eventually, he sighs, “Fine, but at the dorm. Alright?” 

Seungcheol and Jeonghan really could not hide it anymore. It’s been about five years and as much as they want to keep their relationship a secret, it’s hard not being able to express their affection for each other. But a relationship in the group would affect a lot of dynamics.

Seungcheol looked up at Soonyoung, “Alright. Now let's get on stage.”

All thirteen boys wiped off their sweat, fanning themselves and catching their breath. A couple sat in the corner resting, some checking themselves in the mirror, and other patting the backs of those who were exhausted. Seungcheol was passing by every member, giving satisfying looks and compliments out to everyone. As he went by eleven members, he realized he missed one.

Jeonghan. 

His first instinct was to ask Soonyoung, but they were currently on bad terms. So Seungcheol just went up to Mingyu, “Mingyu, do you know where Jeonghan went?”

“Jeonghan-hyung?” Mingyu questioned, looking as if he’s never seen him. “No, I haven’t seen him since we walked off stage. Maybe ask Shua-hyung, he was the last one who walked off stage I think.” 

A relieved sigh exhaled out of Seungcheol, “Alright, thanks.“ He gave a quick pat on the back, then rushing out to the halls. 

“Hey, hyung?” 

Seungcheol turned around, “Yeah?”

Mingyu paused for a moment, an expression of distraught upon his face. Not even like he’s catching his breath, he just can’t find the right words. 

“Mingyu if you don’t have anything to say — ”

“Are you okay, hyung?”

Seungcheol just blinked. “Of course I’m okay why do you — ”

“No, something’s off.” Mingyu intervened. “I’m not trying to be mean or anything like that, it’s just, you’re not you I guess. It’s been bugging me — no, not me. Everyone, hyung.”

The breath caught in Seungcheol’s throat, and felt every fiber of his blood run cold.

_Everyone, hyung._

Seungcheol has always felt the burden of being a leader, being there for everyone’s needs before himself. But now the tables have turned. He’s always forgotten to look after himself. It made him forget that his members can be worried about him. Seungcheol exhaled a heavy breath, “We’ll talk about this later, Mingyu.” As he ran off, he could hear another yell coming from Mingyu as he raced in the search for Jeonghan. When Seungcheol dashed in the halls, he couldn’t help but think. He couldn’t help but question everything from the past five or so years. To every moment in which he said his first ‘I love you’ to Jeonghan, to the first time they went on a real date. They’ve been keeping it a secret for so long, when will it be exposed? 

Eventually Seungcheol finds Joshua, walking towards the makeup room after putting his mic away, “Hey! Joshua!”

Joshua hears this, perking his head up at the elder, “Oh, hey hyung, everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah,” he lies seamlessly, “The manager is looking for Jeonghan’s mic, and I can’t seem to find him. Did you see him anywhere?”

“Oh, that’s weird.” Joshua replies, “He was actually the first one to leave the stage. I saw him, but I guess everyone was busy saying bye to the fans they didn’t notice.”

Seungcheol’s eyes widened, “What?” He exclaims, sighing. “Okay, thank you. I’ll go look for him.” He says, running off to find Jeonghan.

The halls backstage were always packed, and it was going to be hell finding Jeonghan. He had to admit to himself, he had no slightest idea where he could be. This had never happened before, and it scared Seungcheol to what happened to him. It couldn’t be anything serious, he couldn’t hear ambulance sirens or everyone panicking, so Jeonghan must be lost. But, they’ve been to countless music shows before, he couldn’t be lost. 

Following that thought, he dashed towards the farthest bathroom possible, peeking through every stall in an effort to search for him. It was when Seungcheol got to the farthest bathroom from the building and backstage, and he was worried he may not be able to get back on time to leave. They would probably get reprimanded by their manager, and Seungcheol coming back with Jeonghan could only insure more conspiracies.

But Seungcheol didn’t care the slightest. He had one thing on his mind and one thing only, and it was Jeonghan. He went to the farthest stall in the bathroom, and quietly knocked on it. He holds his breath until a response follows. 

“Occupied.” said a soft familiar voice.

Seungcheol let out a relieved breath. “Jeonghan, it’s me.”

Silence lingered, until he responded back, “You can come in.”

Seungcheol turned open the lock, peeking through. He saw Jeonghan tucked away in a corner, his bangs concealing his face. He crouched down beside him on the bathroom floor, brushing his hair away, “You okay? The group is leaving soon, we need to go.”

Seungcheol then noticed a shiny reflection on Jeonghan’s cheek.

“Are you crying?”

Jeonghan hurriedly wipes the tear away, eyes fixated on the floor in front of him. “No.” He denies. 

Seungcheol scoffs, “Hannie, your eyes are wet and your sleeves are soaking.” Jeonghan pushes his hair away, revealing the lines of tears streaking down his face. The sight pains Seungcheol. “What happened?” 

Jeonghan takes a deep sigh, “I messed up on stage, it’s probably gonna show up on the recording.”

“During your part?” 

Jeonghan shakes his head, “No, but I just feel bad.”

Seungcheol grimances. Of course it’s frowned upon if someone messes up, especially so early in promotions. But he couldn’t have been a big of a deal, he’s usually off to the sides so the camera wouldn’t catch it. Most of the time Jeonghan would say that, but this time, it seems like he’s taking it harder than usual. 

“But why?”

“Because — “ Jeonghan stops himself, trying to find the right words before he spills something he shouldn’t. “Because — I messed up the choreography and.. I heard what Soonyoung said earlier.”

Seungcheol feels his throat clog up, “Hannie.“

“I thought we got caught, and you couldn’t tell me until the stages were over. So I got distracted, making me mess up. And he’s right, we’re keeping something important from them for the last five years, and it’s just eating at me.”

Seungcheol sighs, realizing why Jeonghan was acting like this. That moment with Soonyoung must’ve uneased him, making him mess up. “We.. we can’t. But we will, not right now. Not during promotions, okay?”

Jeonghan sighs. His sullen eyes look up, tears lining his eyes. He musters a frail smlie, and it almost makes Seungcheol’s heart skip a beat, “Promise?”

Seungcheol cradles Jeonghan’s hand, intertwining his fingers with his. He holds it tight, “Promise,” he says, with confidence. “Now, let's get up from this dirty-ass bathroom. And wipe your eyes will you?”

Jeonghan grins, yet stares with intensity. “I love you.”

Seungcheol doesn’t expect the abrupt statement, but his face warms up, redness coating his cheeks, “Love you too,” he replies, using his sleeve to wipe away the tears, “You go ahead, you need to put your mic away.”

Jeonghan does so, as Seungcheol waits a few minutes to exit the bathroom to avoid suspicion. Once they get home, Seungcheol pulls Jeonghan close again, “Feeling better?”

He nods silently, as Seungcheol pats his butt in response. Jeonghan walks away, and as he does Seungcheol sees Soonyoung watching from afar. “Oh, hyung, did something happen?”

Seungcheol shrugs it off nonchalantly, “Oh, Jeonghan just had an episode. I needed to talk to him. Anyways, what did you want to talk about?”

Soonyoung hesitates for a second, “Uh.. nevermind. Maybe later.”

Seungcheol hides his grin, “Okay, cool.”

-

“I was happy with you, Cheol. I don’t know why we just.. gave up.”

“Sometimes I forget why, too.” Seungcheol says, cradling his face in his hands. 

“Why did we break up?” Jeonghan questions. 

“What do you think? We fell in love with the right person, just at the wrong time.” Seungcheol answers with a blank stare. That was a sad truth the couple had to find out the hard way. They thought they could love each other in an unforgiving society with a career that pushes their personal boundaries. Seungcheol loves his job, but some days, there are times where he wants to lose his Seventeen title for a moment. Where he doesn’t have this overbearing stress following him like his own shadow, and where he can hold Jeonghan in his arms like he was his entire world, and that nothing mattered in that exact moment. One of the responsibilities won over the other.

“So, when’s the right time?”

Seungcheol blinks, not exactly expecting the question. “What?”

“You said we’re the right people, do you think this is the right time?” Jeonghan proposes, “A second chance?”

Seungcheol didn’t even think of a second chance. “Is there even a second chance for us?”

“Do you want to try?”

Seungcheol couldn’t lie, “I do.. I’m just afraid it’ll end up like last time.”

**2019**

Seungcheol didn’t want to say it. He knew the weight of his words and that it would change everything from now on. But he couldn’t take it back now, now that he’s staring at Jeonghan’s bewildered face as a line of water builds up in his eyes. He pushes the tears away, like it’d break the momentum of his unrelenting yells. Finally, Jeonghan stops, breathing so heavy that his shoulders fall with his chest, staring at Seungcheol with wounded eyes.

Seungcheol stood there, silent, frozen, and hurt. He zoned out to Jeonghan’s yelling, like ringing with no coherent words being made out. Insults blinded by rage. Whatever it was, he knows he should be hurt, and he is. “I’m sorry.” His words fall flat, like he didn’t mean it, but he did. He was all out of words to say. He didn’t want to retaliate back, so the only way to respond was to apologize.

Jeonghan’s mouth was parted, taking short staggered breaths. He regains himself, standing straight and pushing the wisps of his bangs aside. “So is this it?” He remarks tauntingly. “Seven years.. and we’re just ending it?”

The room shifted with those words. Something tells Seungcheol their relationship already ended even before he said those words. 

“We’re not breaking up, Jeonghan. Just a break.” Seungcheol replies.

Jeonghan scoffs, “This sounds like a break up to me.”

Seungcheol goes to reply, until a series of knocks cut through the atmosphere. Both eyes dart at the hotel door. Seungcheol decides to be the big man and answers, seeing a concerned Mingyu behind the door. His eyes fold in worry, “Hyung, is everything okay? I heard some yelling earlier.”

Seungcheol goes to face Jeonghan in hopes to signal help, but he’s met with nobody. He must’ve gone to the bathroom. He feels bad for lying, so he dabs a bit of truth in his reply, “Everything is fine,” that part’s the lie, “Jeonghan and I just had a disagreement.”

Mingyu scowls, not fully convinced, “That sounds more than a disagreement, hyung.” As Seungcheol goes to reply and close the door, Mingyu peeks his head through, “I heard some of the stuff Jeonghan-hyung was saying, he sounds.. mad.” He says in a hushed whisper.

Seungcheol waves the door in Mingyu’s face, slowly pushing him out, “I know Mingyu, I — I got this. Please, just leave.” He tries to sound as polite as possible, but he can see Mingyu’s puppy-like pout guilt tripping him as he closes the door. 

The night went by so quickly that before Seungcheol knew it he was sprawled on his separate bed, facing away from Jeonghan. And soon morning fell, making their leave from the hotel room and to the venue even more awkward. The company decided to get a hotel room near the venue for the members to stay in for their Ode to You in Seoul concert, since it would be too much of a hassle to go back and forth to the dorm from the venue. But Seungcheol hasn’t come up with a reasonable lie to move out of Jeonghan’s room yet, and it was only the second day.

Seungcheol has this leader ability where he could sense if something was wrong with one of the members. Whether they be stressed or nervous. So it was unnerving when he easily read everyone’s mood in the venue. Everyone’s eyes were either on him or Jeonghan. Jeonghan has a loud voice, but nothing was as loud as Mingyu and his inability to keep his mouth shut. He would go and scold Mingyu, but he doesn’t want to ruin another friendship before the show starts. He spent his time away from the members, until rehearsal started. Seungcheol purposely placed himself last for mic check, hanging backstage until he saw Jeonghan walking to get on stage. Jeonghan sees Seungcheol in the corner of his eye, so he speed walks to get on stage. Seungcheol leans his hand to stop him, until Jeonghan dodges away, “Don't touch me.”

Seungcheol cringes at how loud he said that, “Jeonghan,” he attempts again, managing to stop him, “We’re making it too obvious.”

Jeonghan merely scoffs, “Obvious? Isn’t that the reason we broke up? Because we were too obvious?”

“Listen, I know you’re mad. I’m mad too. But Mingyu heard us last night and he told everyone and it’s freaking everyone out.” Seungcheol can feel his voice rise, but tones it down until his last words, “Can we just.. pretend, nothing happened?”

“We’ve been pretending since 2012, Cheol.” Seungcheol felt his heart flutter when Jeonghan called him that, but he knew he didn’t mean it in a flirty way. He said it in a snarky, in-your-face way. “We’ve been pretending nothing was happening between us for years. This won’t be any different.” With that Jeonghan storms off, walking on stage. 

The second Seungcheol walked on stage, the members were already giving them strange looks. However rehearsal went as usual, and when Seungcheol could, he glanced at Jeonghan during the dances. He held a passive face, and interacted a lot with other members to act like his usual self. He’s trying to act like nothing happened. But emotionless expressions wouldn’t convince the other members. 

While the members were on break, the staff was checking the pyrotechnics of the stage with Jihoon. The staff held an ‘OK’ gesture in their hands, “Okay, I’m gonna test the heat of the fire in three, two — ”

While the members were on stage waiting, Seungcheol sees one of the cannons pointing inwards. This puzzled him, since the rest of the cannons pointed upwards, except that one. He wants to call it off, until he sees Jeonghan’s back facing it, oblivious to the disaster waiting to happen. The fire was aiming at Jeonghan.

“ — One!” 

Before he knew it, Seungcheol sprinted towards Jeonghan, pulling his shirt forward as a burst of flames blasted in front of them. Apparently he pulled too hard, accidentally bumping Jeonghan into his chest. 

Jeonghan’s eyes dart at Seungcheol, then at the flame, a flabbergasted expression on his face. Seungcheol holds Jeonghan’s shoulders, “You alright?”

“Yeah,” exhaled Jeonghan, “Thanks.”

Even if they were a broken couple that didn’t mean Seungcheol didn’t care for him. He was about to get shot with fire, he could put his feelings aside to at least save his life. As Seungcheol sends Jeonghan off, the awkwardness slowly settling between them, he’s met with eleven other eyes, staring with much confusion and shock. 

Seungcheol scowls, “What?” 

Everyone seemed to disperse after that, diverting their eyes away. 

When the concert ended and Seungcheol managed to switch rooms with his manager secretly, the members didn’t question anything since. They really did pretend nothing happened.

-

“You can’t deny the feelings we had for each other, Cheol.” says Jeonghan, breaking Seungcheol out from his daze, “We only broke up because it was getting harder to hide. We didn’t lose any feelings.” Jeonghan laughs in between, “How could I not lose those feelings? I see you everyday, and when I couldn’t, it felt like something was missing from me.”

Seungcheol thinks back from earlier, how Jeonghan was saying he felt empty during the tour because he wasn’t there. 

“I think we can have a second shot at this, Cheol.” Jeonghan reassures, and for the first time, Jeonghan locks eyes with Seungcheol. His eyes are full of hope and light, a new look from him. 

“But what if it ends up like last time?”

“You’ll never know if you don’t try. It’s better trying than dawdling it for the rest of your life with regrets. You made the decision to become an idol, that worked out. You decided to kiss me, and for the most part, it worked out.”

And so he thought about it. Seungcheol projected himself five years into the future, with and without Jeonghan. The first vision was him in the army, and his first thought was regret. He would’ve rejected not spending time with Jeonghan, all hung up on their tainted relationship. He would’ve left with regrets, and came back with them. 

And then a future with Jeonghan. Seungcheol might’ve thought too far ahead, because in his vision he already completed his army service, waiting for Jeonghan to come home and complete his. He thought about crashing into his arms, resting his chin on his shoulder. With that, Seungcheol knew what future he wanted. A future with Jeonghan. 

“I don’t really care if the members find out,” Seungcheol whips his head at those words, seeing Jeonghan sitting nonchalantly. “The managers yeah, we can hide it from. But really, is it any different? We cuddled in plain sight, no one cared. Hell, maybe they’ll support us. What makes it any different now that they know we like each other? We’re the same people we were before, and if they can’t accept it, then that's their problem.”

An epiphany dawns on Seungcheol. He’d never thought of it that way. The chances of them messing up this relationship was getting smaller, the chances of this relationship working were getting bigger.

“All that matters, is that we have each other.” Jeonghan slowly leans towards Seungcheol, inching his hand closer towards his. Seungcheol notices this, deciding to take the leap. He clings into his hand, weaving it through his fingers. 

“Right,” Seungcheol repeats, looking straight into Jeonghan’s eyes. “Each other.”

Up front, Jeonghan is the most beautiful person he’s ever laid his eyes upon, and now that he’s able to look at him again with no repercussions or hurt looks, it’s like laying his eyes on Jeonghan for the first time. Bareface, under the crosswalk lights, soaked in rain. And he still manages to look just as stunning. 

Jeonghan was spewing so much about how he wants a second chance, but seems cautious at the sexual tension lingering in the air. He knows something is supposed to be happening, but he can’t bring himself to do it. But Seungcheol knows he wants it, it’s in the way he’s studying his lips, and can’t move away from his eyes. 

The gap between their lips was just begging to be closed. He’s the first one to lean in, steadily tilting his head to the desired position. Their lips were magnetic, slowly inching towards each other but crash at impact. Their lips met, and at that moment, their worlds collided. At first they felt unsure, uncertain to the intensity they were going for. They weren’t even sure if this was meant to happen. But as Seungcheol pursed his lips a second time, he felt the confidence exuding out of him, being returned by Jeonghan. They’re lips are fully interlocked now, more hurried and desperate. He’s been waiting for months to do this again, and judging by the way Jeonghan automatically places his hand on Seungcheol’s thigh like muscle memory, he’s been waiting for this too. 

Seungcheol cups Jeonghan’s neck into his palms, sliding against the droplets of rain on his jaw. His hands coil around Jeonghan’s hair, fingers weaving through his damp bangs. Jeonghan tastes like salt and sweat, and oozes the warmth Seungcheol has been craving for. Every warm feeling was surging through Seungcheol’s body. It was like fire ignited in his chest, sparks flying between each breath they took, and the heat in his cheeks brushing against each other. By the third breath they take, they’re more confident in their kissing. The big moment has happened, and now it feels like they have all the time in the world to kiss and bask in each other’s presence. 

“God I missed this,” gasps Jeonghan, as Seungcheol slams him into the side of the bus stop, “I missed you.”

“Me too.” Seungcheol hastily responds between breaths.

“Wait, wait,” Jeonghan pulls away. He pants in thin stretched breaths, eyes glued onto Seungcheol. “Is this our second chance?” asks Jeonghan, still breathing, but pacing it as he waits for Seungcheol’s answer. His hand still lingers on Seungcheol’s jaw, looking intensely at the elder. 

A small, hopeful smile crept on Seungcheol’s lips. He takes Jeonghan’s hand from his jaw, gliding it down his chest and into his lap. He intertwined his fingers in his palm, holding it firmly, “I think we just took it.”

Jeonghan could almost cry. He smiles fondly, parting Seungcheol’s wispy bangs from his eyes, revealing his brown eyes. He was glad he took this chance. He presses a kiss on Seungcheol’s lips, letting his touch linger. “I’m glad.”

-

“What?” Seungkwan shrieks, jumping out of his seat, while everyone else who sat on the couch sat in stunned silence. Seungkwan notices everyone’s silence, sitting back down embarrassingly, “S — Sorry, I’m just.. very surprised.”

“Like.. a good surprise?” Jeonghan asks reluctantly. He stands beside Seungcheol, looking at their members as they sit on the couch. They feel a little self conscious as they stand in the middle of the living room with all their members staring at them. They all look a little tense and shocked, but nevertheless, no one was badly reacting.

“We — Well I mean, yeah? It doesn’t change anything, but I never noticed.” Seungkwan answers, scratching his head confusingly.

“Yeah,” Seokmin agrees, “We’re all kinda surprised.”

Jihoon snorts, sitting leisurely with his arms crossed, “It actually makes a lot of sense now.”

“What?” Seungcheol and Jeonghan say in unison.

“I never thought about it, but now that you guys apparently like each other, I’m surprised I haven’t noticed sooner.” Jihoon explains..

“What? Like how?” Seokmin questions. 

“Well, for starters, they sleep together, eat together, share hotels together, cuddle together, hold hands together, Jeonghan touches his butt a lot — ”

“He does that to a lot of us.” Mingyu butts in. “Aren’t you a little jealous of him doing that, Coups-hyung?”

“He does that to spite me if I annoy him.” Seungcheol remarks.

“And it _works_.” Jeonghan cooes tauntingly.

“So, how long have you guys dated again?” Hansol asks.

Seungcheol chuckles nervously, “Well, we’ve been liking each other since 2013 — ”

“2013?!” Everyone on the couch exclaims, making the couple flinch.

Jeonghan starts to feel heat flush his cheeks, “Yeah… seven years — ”

“Seven?” Soonyoung exclaims.

“How are you guys not married yet?” Seungkwan asks.

“Maybe six and a half if we’re excluding our breakup.” Seungcheol adds in. 

“You guys had a breakup?” Minghao chimes in. 

“Yeah, it was like, what was it,” Seungcheol turns to Jeonghan for confirmation, “Six, seven months ago? Well it doesn’t matter now, we got back together, like, a week ago.”

“Ah, that’s why both of you are so grouchy.” Soonyoung says.

“We were _not_ grouchy.” Jeonghan retorts.

“Oh please you guys couldn’t even look at each other!” Soonyoung retaliates. 

“Woah, this is like a K-Drama.” Mingyu jokes.

Minghao ignores him, sighing, “A — A breakup, and got back together again — How did this go under our noses?”

Seungcheol shrugs, “Maybe we're just good at hiding it. Or maybe you’re all just oblivious. It could be a mix of both.”

“Not gonna lie, if eleven of us couldn’t figure it out, we look pretty stupid.” Wonwoo says. 

“Seriously, no one figured it out? Like at all?” Junhui asks.

“You guys came close a couple of times,” says Jeonghan, “Like come on, you don’t think sneaking out of waiting rooms together is a little suspicious?”

“Oh god, hyung, don't tell me you guys—” Chan cuts himself off, seeing Seungcheol’s guilty smile, “Ew.”

“So, you guys aren’t.. mad? Disappointed?” Seungcheol asks unsurely.

Joshua’s face softens, “Of course not. Why would we be disappointed?”

“Judging from the way you guys reacted, you seemed shocked.” 

“Shocked, yes, but definitely not disappointed. Of course we’re a little surprised. You kept this a secret for seven years, it’s pretty shocking.” Joshua says, standing up from the couch. “But, that doesn’t mean we think of you any different.”

“It’s just gonna be odd knowing that two of our friends like each other.” Soonyoung adds, “It’s like being the third wheel, except.. there’s eleven of us. So the eleventh wheel.”

“What he means is that we’ll support you, hyung.” Mingyu says, standing up from the couch. Eventually the group joins into a group hug, smushing everyone against the couple.

“Wow this is.. this isn’t as bad than I imagined,” Seungcheol smiles, in the middle of the group hug, “But, this hug is a lot more squished than I imagined.” 

Everyone hears that and disperses back to their seats, letting the couple breath. “So uhm, care to tell your guys’ backstory?” Wonwoo asks.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan glance at each other, grinning. Seungcheol clears his throat, “Well, it all started in an ugly green practice room on a rainy day.”

**Author's Note:**

> hey ! i havent published a svt fic in so long, and i've never published one above 10k words! what the fuck! this has been sitting in my drafts for literal years, i wrote this back in 2017 and never finished it until like,,, april 2020?? and now its november LOL but anyways, i think it's about time i published it bc its over 10k words and even tho im not rly proud of this its still a big milestone?? anyways yeah thank u for reading teehee


End file.
